Medical Jesters Gifts

Nil By Ear

'This is the part of the job I hate.'

"The first one's just a warning."

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

'Everybody from Liverpool's a comedian.'

"Ha! Today we informed the boss about our rights!"

"...and we hope that, for a cyber-crime, you will consider a cyber-penalty."

"OK, you're going to feel a little prick, followed by a burning desire to sue me."

'I take it his performance review went well.'

'You can have general anesthesia or just be numbed from the wallet down.'

'There's been unexpected complications involving your husband's bill.'

'Why can't I park it here? I'm just getting my moneys worth.'

"I'm not doodling. I'm illuminating my homework."

"Med Brittle"

"Perhaps this will refresh your memory."

"I've decided to be an organ donor."

"Do you carry generic placebos?"

'Open your mouth and say 'Ah' -- I'm going to try some anti-virus software.'

"Got outta jury duty!"

'He's training for a career in law.'

Sign On Door of Dept. Of Neanderthal Literature - Out Eat Back.

"We're trying to save your husband."

'Dont' operate any rocks or sticks while you're using this medication.'

'Um ... no - I said we'll need a stool sample.'

"Pick a file, any file." Dr Collins ability to put nervous patients at ease was legendary.

"....And Mother Yancy will be assisting the reattachment team this morning..."

'I wouldn't wait too long, for a limited time banks are offering low interest loans on coronary bypass surgery.'

'You mean medical science hasn't come up with a cure for common cooties?'

"If it's any consolation, Alex, it's the first 'G' I've ever given."

The last 'take your mother to work' day.

'Actually, the loud ringing has stopped, now I hear knocking.'

The end of the world is at hand: '10... 9... 8... 7...'