Legal Jesters Gifts

"Perhaps this will refresh your memory."

'Let me remind you that any advice you receive is protected by copyright and I retain all rights therein.'

"Got outta jury duty!"

'He's training for a career in law.'

"...and we hope that, for a cyber-crime, you will consider a cyber-penalty."

"Thank goodness I convinced them to put this playground outside of the courthouse. Now it feels like recess."

No, I'm not asking you to declare the witness hostile, you honor. Can you just declare him

'Do you have a plan B if you can't find work as a frivolous suit litigator?'

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

'The good teen-age mime chooses to study for an exam, while the bad one chooses to steal hubcaps.'

COWS: Cow Pong

Medieval headlines.

"He belongs to a lawyer."

'Everybody from Liverpool's a comedian.'

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'Nonsense, Harry, it's my treat. I'm filing for bankruptcy tomorrow.'

"Twenty five years! But your honor,

'Have you seen the ruddy margins the Chinese expect us to take up for this work?'

"In view of the new evidence, my client would like to change his plea to 'guilty-ish', M'Lud."

SANTA'S ATTORNEY

"Instead of 'fraudulent,' the defendant requests that you refer to him as 'fluent in the ancient language of duplicity!'"

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

'I take it his performance review went well.'

I hate these he shed, she shed cases.

'Yes, it's a foul. But is it a flagrant foul?'

"Oh well, what does a jester know?"

'Your Honor, permission to abandon the strict, upstanding, fiduciary responsibilities of my profession for a chance at fleeting personal, carnal gratification?'

'We, the jury, find the defendant guilty... and his attorney obnoxious.'

The afternoons are okay, it's at night that I can't sleep.

'He said his first buzz word today!'

'When did YOU switch to a talk format?'

'I like to use the Law as a jumping off point.'

"Unfortunately your Twitter has been hacked. Fortunately it has been hacked by someone much cooler and funnier than you."

'Well, you were convicted on three out of ten counts - at least we beat the point spread.'