Crime Jesters Gifts

Chalee Mao steals from a sleeping mugger.

'The good teen-age mime chooses to study for an exam, while the bad one chooses to steal hubcaps.'

COWS: Cow Pong

Medieval headlines.

'Everybody from Liverpool's a comedian.'

"Twenty five years! But your honor,

'Let me remind you that any advice you receive is protected by copyright and I retain all rights therein.'

"...and we hope that, for a cyber-crime, you will consider a cyber-penalty."

I hate these he shed, she shed cases.

Cave lady about cave boy with big rolling stone: 'Here comes Junior with his report card.'

'Yes, it's a foul. But is it a flagrant foul?'

"Oh well, what does a jester know?"

'Your Honor, permission to abandon the strict, upstanding, fiduciary responsibilities of my profession for a chance at fleeting personal, carnal gratification?'

'We, the jury, find the defendant guilty... and his attorney obnoxious.'

The afternoons are okay, it's at night that I can't sleep.

"Unfortunately your Twitter has been hacked. Fortunately it has been hacked by someone much cooler and funnier than you."

Prosecutor's Office. The judge threw out the confession --- He said it was coerced. You violated the duress code!

'Why can't I park it here? I'm just getting my moneys worth.'

'When did YOU switch to a talk format?'

Hi. I'm Jonathan. I'll be your judge this afternoon. Legal Menu.

"Perhaps this will refresh your memory."

Steinbeck - stuck on the title page (Grapes of Wrath).

"Got outta jury duty!"

'He's training for a career in law.'

'The prisons are overcrowded, so why don't you just drop and give me fifty push-ups?'

'The prisons are full, so I'm sentencing you to marry Rosie O'Donnell.'

'Isn't that kind of thing generally frowned upon in the real mob.'

"How come all your alcohol is behind a paywall?"

Tercentary of Shakespeare's Birth

"Hold on, I have an announcement. Facebook password Missywillow 555, please move your car or it will be towed."

'It certainly is a big one!'

'Oh, about your theory - Heisenberg thinks he's found a loophole.'

'Granted, Your Honor, he may look like a criminal.'

"I tried to rob a bank and failed! I tried to steal an old ladies bag and failed! So why not use as my defense, the old saying, 'You can't blame a person for trying'?"

Vendor is the knight: knight sells hotdogs.