Court Jesters Gifts

'The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth? That doesn't allow for much flexibility.'

Like many businesses, the Supreme Court has designated Fridays as Casual Day.

'Sure, I've had a few run-ins with the law. But it wasn't all my fault. As a child I was once left … unsupervised.'

"Can you please just say 'Fault', and quit adding 'is not in our stars but in ourselves."

Basketball - Short player pulling down shorts of tall player.

'Your Honor, permission to abandon the strict, upstanding, fiduciary responsibilities of my profession for a chance at fleeting personal, carnal gratification?'

'I'm thinking about dropping out of nursery school in order to concentrate on an NBA career.'

'Your Honor... all the lies I told were true.'

The afternoons are okay, it's at night that I can't sleep.

'Granted, Your Honor, he may look like a criminal.'

'Yes, it's a foul. But is it a flagrant foul?'

'Tennis Nets.'

COWS: Cow Pong

'I wish he'd stop asking me about his credibility rating -- I HATE lying to him!'

'Reaching in! Deliberate smearing of lipstick!'

'Sure, I'm a watchdog, but if somebody throws me a hot dog...you know what I mean, judge.'

'The prisons are full, so I'm sentencing you to marry Rosie O'Donnell.'

"Oh well, what does a jester know?"

'Well, so much for Hennessey. ... But from now on, don't make anyone dribble too close to the piranha tank.'

"It's a Cease and Desist. The Supreme Court's decided sinning is within their Constitutional rights."

Medieval headlines.

'It's exciting and you make a lot of money, but if you don't win, they flush you down the toilet. Welcome to the pros, kid.'

'G is for the God-awful food we were served...U is for the uncomfortable chairs...'

"Make him one!"

For years he had enjoyed the good life at the royal court, until one day, Prince Frederick of Norway pointed out that there was, in fact, no such title as the Grand Duke of Funkadelia.

'When did YOU switch to a talk format?'

"Twenty five years! But your honor,

Hi. I'm Jonathan. I'll be your judge this afternoon. Legal Menu.

Your honor, would you instruct counsel that it's impolite for a lawyer to point at a witness? It's also impolite for a judge to beat a witness senseless with a gavel, but you are one annoying little jackass.

Prosecutor's Office. The judge threw out the confession --- He said it was coerced. You violated the duress code!

"Permission to reproach the bench" is not an option, counselor. It should be.

I hate these he shed, she shed cases.

"This is not what the court meant when we asked you to drop your suit, Mr. Wagner!"

'I request an postponement, Your Honor -- I have to study for my bar exams.'

"Take this declaration of war and punch it up."