Court Jester Gifts

"Those are attorney bees. They represent the killer bees."

'What? You said court-appropriate attire!'

'Someone should fix that,'

"Insurance, anyone?"

'Not to worry, I've handled hundreds of cases like this and the way I see it, I'm bound to win one sooner or later.'

Bad Knees.

'It just came out. It handles forehands, backhands and overheads all in one motion.'

'I need a continuance, your Honor.'

'Nurse, turn the basketball game up. This is a painful procedure, so I don't want to miss the game due to the patient's screaming.'

'Hey, I'm no orthopaedic surgeon - know what I'm sayin'? But this can't be good.'

Referee School

Tennis Player Receives Unwanted Advice on the Tennis Court of Public Opinion.

'You were there. Why wouldn't the jury think you were involved? Isn't it true, monkey see monkey do?'

"Oh, no, it's not a problem at home. We need help with communication on the court."

'The swelling well receed in a few days and the racket should slide right off.'

Brandon didn't talk trash like all the other players.

'We should have asserted control early on. They've been jawing at each other all game long. It was bound to turn violent.'

Crash Test Dummy Waiting Outside Traffic Court

'I hardly think a congregation of carol-singers amounts to riotous assembly'

'It's not doubles. That's his agent back there.'

"You can't take a solo after every serve."

'Major confession, Sid. Ready for this? If I didn't know it was you standing three feet away, you'd be nothing more than a blur...'

"O.K.m who overinflated the ball?"

"I say we move on to dessert."

'He's got a good attitude, and he's tall. But he's got to get into the weight room.'

'You've been charged with racketeering. How do you plead?'

'Aaaaah! The game momentum just shifted!'

'Believe me, I have plenty of experience with cases like yours.'

'What are the chances? I mean, all 10 players simultaneously dive for a loose ball and conk heads?'

'This is Bob. He's really short, but he's got quick hands, watch.'

Heimlich's other lesser known maneuver.

'Let's go home, coach. If God was going to intervene with a miracle and change the final score to save your job, it would have happened by now.'

'Captain, we're going to have to ask you to stop spiking the ball.'

'Did you win your squash game?'

'You're right, I never liked that racked either!'