Judicial Jester Gifts

"These days, I'm mostly just legislating from the couch."

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'No, no. I told you to look for a precedent.'

'Due to an overcrowded prison system, I'm sentencing you to stand in that corner for the next six months.'

'During discovery we found five more things to bill about.'

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

"It's so boring! Every case is the same, except the hearsay evidence, and we can't hear it!"

America's Funniest Supreme Court Decisions

'If you remove all the gray areas, you take all the fun out of the law.'

"My client pleads not guilty, by reason that everyone else is doing it."

A baby in court

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

'There's nothing unconstitutional about descriminating against bank robbers!'

"How was I supposed to know she was allergic?"

'I'm afraid I'll have to sentence you to five years, but you have been a beautiful defendant.'

Man looking at the cartes de visite of the lawyers in chancery lane

Judges gizmo says, 'Execution, Life, 10 years, Probation, Fine, Innocent.'

"In mitigation, Sunny Chemicals would like to point out that prior to contracting his skin allergy, Mr Crumb was already ugly."

'Have you noticed? She always calls a recess at the exact time 'Oprah' comes on tv.'

The put asunder law firm - 'Divorce cases our speciality.'

'What a lawyer!... He plea-bargained me down to going to bed without supper!'

"Sorry we're late, Your Honor. My watch seems to be missing."

Answer yes or no in a few words as possible.

'The county is serious about streamlining the judicial process.'

SUPREME COURT: thank you for not social engineering beyond this point!

'Litigate not, least ye be litigated against!'

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

"You may approach the bench again. But this time, no ropes."

'Hmm, it's a pretty good injunction, but I wouldn't say it was a super injunction.'

"Are you trying to show contempt for this court."

'Okay, counselor, I'll give you a ten minute recess.'

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

Hanging Judge

'Considering my student debt, I felt it prudent to specialize in bankruptcy law,'