Judicial Jester Pillows

"These days, I'm mostly just legislating from the couch."

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'During discovery we found five more things to bill about.'

'No, no. I told you to look for a precedent.'

'Due to an overcrowded prison system, I'm sentencing you to stand in that corner for the next six months.'

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

"It's so boring! Every case is the same, except the hearsay evidence, and we can't hear it!"

America's Funniest Supreme Court Decisions

'If you remove all the gray areas, you take all the fun out of the law.'

"My client pleads not guilty, by reason that everyone else is doing it."

"How was I supposed to know she was allergic?"

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

'There's nothing unconstitutional about descriminating against bank robbers!'

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

The put asunder law firm - 'Divorce cases our speciality.'

'What a lawyer!... He plea-bargained me down to going to bed without supper!'

"Sorry we're late, Your Honor. My watch seems to be missing."

Answer yes or no in a few words as possible.

'The county is serious about streamlining the judicial process.'

SUPREME COURT: thank you for not social engineering beyond this point!

'Litigate not, least ye be litigated against!'

'I'm afraid I'll have to sentence you to five years, but you have been a beautiful defendant.'

A baby in court

Man looking at the cartes de visite of the lawyers in chancery lane

Judges gizmo says, 'Execution, Life, 10 years, Probation, Fine, Innocent.'

"In mitigation, Sunny Chemicals would like to point out that prior to contracting his skin allergy, Mr Crumb was already ugly."

'Hmm, it's a pretty good injunction, but I wouldn't say it was a super injunction.'

'Considering my student debt, I felt it prudent to specialize in bankruptcy law,'

"We're looking for a bold decision maker."

Hanging Judge

"...And now show us what you said."

Judge knocking at 'audits' so that 'CPA's' lose their money

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

'Okay, counselor, I'll give you a ten minute recess.'