Healthcare Jesters Gifts

'That's how much time your HMO allots for bypass surgery.'

You only get your tonsils out once. Milk it.

"The first one's just a warning."

"I hate performance review season."

Who should I call first? 911 or Technical Support?

'I was just beginning to think about my portfolio. Now you're telling me to rethink it.'

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

"I give up. Where's the patient?'

'Everybody from Liverpool's a comedian.'

"And that, gentlemen, is the Friday 4.55 pm Bad News Email Dump."

"Ha! Today we informed the boss about our rights!"

"There is a great deal of evidence that big savings can be made if departments shared resources... But I suspect that implementing the changes might be problematic if we can't even get Norman to lend out his pencil sharpener."

'Let me remind you that any advice you receive is protected by copyright and I retain all rights therein.'

"...and we hope that, for a cyber-crime, you will consider a cyber-penalty."

"OK, you're going to feel a little prick, followed by a burning desire to sue me."

"Intern? Oh, no. He wandered in from our day care center."

'You can have general anesthesia or just be numbed from the wallet down.'

'There's been unexpected complications involving your husband's bill.'

The Man of La Mancha,and his sidekick, the Man of La Muncha.

'Why can't I park it here? I'm just getting my moneys worth.'

"Med Brittle"

Jeff hated performance reviews.

"Perhaps this will refresh your memory."

'I'm sorry, this is the line for people who volunteered to help their community. You're looking for the eternal damnation department.'

'Open your mouth and say 'Ah' -- I'm going to try some anti-virus software.'

"I've decided to be an organ donor."

"Got outta jury duty!"

"Do you carry generic placebos?"

'He's training for a career in law.'

'Dont' operate any rocks or sticks while you're using this medication.'

'Um ... no - I said we'll need a stool sample.'

Nil By Ear

"We're trying to save your husband."

"Sir, Sparky is here for his 3:00 pm throw."