Hospital Jester Gifts

"I give up. Where's the patient?'

'And this is nurse Jenkins...who we'll be blaming if the hospital kills your husband...'

HOSPITAL ADMISSIONS, 'For your hospital gown, do you prefer paper or plastic?'

Patients Chart - Good / Poor / I feel like shit.....

'When he completed his medical history on the new patient form he decided that he was okay.'

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

"We're following Carrot Top."

Stepping on clown's shoe...

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

"I'm popping out for a tinkle."

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'

'I can't work with computers, on account of my animal magnetism.'

'It's always about you isn't it, George? Wouldn't you like to hear about the terrible day I've had for a change?'

'I've had so many transplants, I feel like a garden nursery.'

'I'm looking for someone who can make me laugh.'

"Fortunately, we have an excellent selection!"

'Make sport of the Queen.'

Travelling jesters. No fools left aboard overnight.

'Ringing in your ears, you say?'

'You can have general anesthesia or just be numbed from the wallet down.'

"The good news is that your appendectomy op was a complete success"

'I told the jester he could take April Fool's Day off.'

'There's been unexpected complications involving your husband's bill.'

Surgeon Finds Heart Reading 'Be my Valentine'.

'From left to right: witchfinder general, jester jocular and spouse peculiar.'

Never poke fun.

'I hate these commerical breaks!'

'You'll be aware during the entire procedure because our anesthetic has been recalled by the F.D.A.'

'Open your mouth and say 'Ah' -- I'm going to try some anti-virus software.'

"Do you carry generic placebos?"

"...At what point do hemorrhoids become 'just another hobby?'"

"I've decided to be an organ donor."