Hospital Joker Gifts

'For an extra $25 we can set the surgical lamps on tanning mode.'

"Don't forget! My right is your left and your right is my left."

"So far, decliners outnumber advancers nine to seven."

'Nurse, I asked you to cheer up the ward.'

"... A doctor? You'll be lucky to see a practice nurse. Last week I was examined by one of the cleaners!"

"Any chance that was you who just screamed in excruciating pain?"

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"Sorry, that's not my table."

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

"Since he was born today he won't begin daycare until tomorrow."

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

"Damn it, nurse! I didn't ask for a twenty. I asked for a ten and two fives."

"It will be okay to hop when you go home but don't try to run."

"Are you Matthew Jones with a double 'T'?"

'It's your four basic food groups.'

'Everything is going to be fine, Mrs.Witzer...'

"I give up. Where's the patient?'

'You don't have a heart murmur, but your liver is muttering.'

'Anaesthetic ok?' - 'Yes, ten double scotches from the pub up the road.'

'Urology...can you hold?'

"I think you may have your gown on back to front."

"What is it Doc, I can handle it."

"Just give me the truth, Doc...I can tell when you're trying to humor me."

Doctor about spinning plates on patient: 'I'm concerned about his platelets.'

'You're excused. Anyone else feel too squeamish to witness the procedure?'

Too much Inflammation

"Fortunately, we have an excellent selection!"

Paramedics.

'I've had so many transplants, I feel like a garden nursery.'

"Everyone loved working with Doctor Patel... Beer!"

'It's always about you isn't it, George? Wouldn't you like to hear about the terrible day I've had for a change?'

'I thought I told you to cut down on sugar.'

"Rolling pizza cutter."