Hospital Jokester Gifts

"Fortunately, we have an excellent selection!"

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

Plastic Surgery

'Okay... who's the triple by-pass and who's the hang nail?'

'Be honest, how bad is it?'

'It's always about you isn't it, George? Wouldn't you like to hear about the terrible day I've had for a change?'

Doctor: 'Mind if I cut in?'

Ultrasound Monitor makes Doctors Laugh.

'I've had so many transplants, I feel like a garden nursery.'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

'But they told me to take her down to theatre...'

Robodoc... the NHS surgeon of the future.

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

"WHich one is mine?"

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

Virtual Doctor

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

Woman in hospital has i.v. attached to plant.

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

"Sorry, that's not my table."

Downloading Pregnancy

'Let me guess...it's contagious!'

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

'Wow! That was quite some push Mrs Smith...'