Hospital Jokester Gifts

"Fortunately, we have an excellent selection!"

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

Plastic Surgery

'Okay... who's the triple by-pass and who's the hang nail?'

'Be honest, how bad is it?'

'It's always about you isn't it, George? Wouldn't you like to hear about the terrible day I've had for a change?'

Doctor: 'Mind if I cut in?'

Ultrasound Monitor makes Doctors Laugh.

'I've had so many transplants, I feel like a garden nursery.'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

'But they told me to take her down to theatre...'

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

Robodoc... the NHS surgeon of the future.

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

Virtual Doctor

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

Woman in hospital has i.v. attached to plant.

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

"Sorry, that's not my table."

'Let me guess...it's contagious!'

Downloading Pregnancy

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

'Wow! That was quite some push Mrs Smith...'

'Sorry, staff shortage.'