Healthcare Jokester Gifts

"Have you been suffering consternation?"

'I picked up this little trick on my holiday to New Guinea.'

"Make that sound again, you know, the one that makes me laugh."

Please watch your strep.

'Now, I know I came in here for something!'

'He seems cranky, but his heart is in the right place -- we gave him an MRI to be sure.'

'You haven't touched your lunch.'

'Count backwards from 100 and tell me when you can no longer feel your wallet.'

'The doctor will see you shortly. Try not to disappoint him.'

"Next time you give CPR try not to use your tongue."

'I don't need a bed pan, but an oil pan would be nice.'

'Could you stay out of the room for awhile, Nurse? -- Every time you walk in here, his testosterone levels surge.'

'The good news is, you have photogenic lungs!'

'So did you want the ectomy, or just the otomy?'

'Take two and call me from the Emergency room.'

'It's probably nothing, but to be sure, let's get an airport security body scan.'

"Ah-ah-ah! - Just one symptom per customer!"

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

'No! Not the second pair of gloves...'

'Is my wife in there?'

'This is the worst case of in-grown toenails I've ever seen.'

'What are you looking at?' - 'Nothing, I'm trying to swallow my pills.'

"Well, whatever you've got, this can't be helping."

Dr.Bernie Curtin, Proctologist.

"For my last trick, ladies and gentlemen, I will push a nine pound human being out of my body..."

'You'd better stick with blurry eyes, anxiety attacks and hallucinations, because he drug prescription, I'd give,shows even greater side effects!'

'Brain surgery, Harold? Have you lost your mind?!'

'We go through an aperture... which aperture will it be, Joan?'

'And now for the second opinion.'

'I know a skirt-blower would save time, but I don't thing the patients would like it.'

GP Convention: 'You're very well, how am I?'

'Oh, and I seem to have Restless Leg Syndrome.'

I'm a little shy about getting completely nude in front of a woman doctor, but I suppose it will be okay. Since you're only here for an earache, that won't be necessary, Mr. Fusco.

Pharmaco. He writes drug side effect warnings. Ah, a health scare provider.

"Sorry it took so long. The nurses and I had a bet to see how long it would take for you to stick your head out the door and say, 'Hello?'"