Hospital Insider Jokester Gifts

'This is nurse Rochester, if there's anything worrying you she's the person to share your concerns with so that they get recorded and filed properly.'

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

'Nurse, why is there always a fly in my ointment?'

Kid with plaster cast being sawn off.

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

An organ flies across the room during an operation - 'Catch it...!'

"Nurse, when I asked you to make the patient more comfortable I just meant plump up his pillows!"

"When was the last time anyone checked on Mr Klink."

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

'I'm afraid it's bad news Mr.Hooper, I've just got the report on your finances.'

'How about a little smile for me. You've outlived my prediction!'

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

'Take two and call me from the Emergency room.'

"These are X-Rays of your operation, and this is a selfie I took with your gall bladder."

While you're at it, will you sew on my shirt button please?

"I didn't see the coffee table in the middle of the room, due to my visual impairment, caused by the rubbish light emitted by the government approved 150 watt energy saving bulb in my apartment..."

"It says you need a CT scan and that the azaleas in the corner need to be watered twice daily."

'I'm a practical nurse! -- I know better than to listen to doctors!'

"I got my PhD in Nursing just so people would have to call me Doctor."

'Could you stay out of the room for awhile, Nurse? -- Every time you walk in here, his testosterone levels surge.'

"Sorry, new style pain killer. It's the cut-backs I'm afraid."

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

Big slipper.

"Would you like to see today's liquidized menu?"

"His wife and family will decide on the course of treatment, but, as his ex, feel free to open up a few old wounds."

'This could be a very expensive operation — I'm going to refer you to the Federal Government.'

'Have you heard about the new Medicare drug plan called plan C? Medicare gives you $30 for a bus ticket to Canada!'

'How the heck could we lose a $14,000 pacemaker?!'

Pay Hospital Bill Here.

"We're a bit understaffed today, could you be 6 people?"