Hospital Joke Lover Gifts

Surgeon has dropped his forceps.

'Dr. Winslow will be checking your heart. Dr. Briggs will be checking your lungs. And I will be checking your bank account.'

'And if you like we can arrange for you to receive next to last rites on the morning of your surgery.'

'Visiting time! Hide your grapes!'

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

Dracula in a Vampire Hospital getting some extra blood from a Human blood drip

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

'Believe me, Mr, Hart, Laughter really is the best medicine,'

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

'Sorry, staff shortage.'

An organ flies across the room during an operation - 'Catch it...!'

"Nurse, when I asked you to make the patient more comfortable I just meant plump up his pillows!"

"When was the last time anyone checked on Mr Klink."

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

"Since he was born today he won't begin daycare until tomorrow."

STRIP Hambone: Businessman in hospital with his computer

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

'I only got up for a drink of water, and a queue's formed next to my bed.'

'I'm afraid it's bad news Mr.Hooper, I've just got the report on your finances.'

'Veins...arteries...I told you I can never tell one from another.'

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

'How about a little smile for me. You've outlived my prediction!'

"These are X-Rays of your operation, and this is a selfie I took with your gall bladder."

"It says you need a CT scan and that the azaleas in the corner need to be watered twice daily."

'And then, just to humor the guy I said 'I need a hug', little thinking that the big gorilla would do just that.'

'Well I haven't had a chance to review all your readings in depth, but if I were to be forced to make an educated guess I'd say that your were knackered!'