Hospital Joke Fan Gifts

Chinese Burns Unit.

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

Dracula in a Vampire Hospital getting some extra blood from a Human blood drip

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

Dog forced to return bone

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

'Sorry, staff shortage.'

An organ flies across the room during an operation - 'Catch it...!'

"Nurse, when I asked you to make the patient more comfortable I just meant plump up his pillows!"

"When was the last time anyone checked on Mr Klink."

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

"Since he was born today he won't begin daycare until tomorrow."

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

STRIP Hambone: Businessman in hospital with his computer

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

"You need the toilet. . . hang on I think I've got an app for that."

'I only got up for a drink of water, and a queue's formed next to my bed.'

'I'm afraid it's bad news Mr.Hooper, I've just got the report on your finances.'

'Veins...arteries...I told you I can never tell one from another.'

"These are X-Rays of your operation, and this is a selfie I took with your gall bladder."

'How about a little smile for me. You've outlived my prediction!'

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

"We think we got some good CT scans, but unfortunately they're encrypted and our I.T. guy is on vacation this week."

'Yeah, bit how does the stork get into the maternity room?'

"It says you need a CT scan and that the azaleas in the corner need to be watered twice daily."

While you're at it, will you sew on my shirt button please?