Hospital Satire Fan Gifts

"This hospital is underachieving. So, I'm recommending an extra dollop of custard on your pudding at teatime."

A patient, a doctor and a deep sea diver

Stolen hospital bed wheels.

"Here, put this on."

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

Lactose Intolerant

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

Dracula in a Vampire Hospital getting some extra blood from a Human blood drip

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

"How long were you in the waiting room?"

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

'Let me get this straight- you went to a GUY-ne-cologist, to discuss MEN-o-pause?'

An organ flies across the room during an operation - 'Catch it...!'

"Nurse, when I asked you to make the patient more comfortable I just meant plump up his pillows!"

"When was the last time anyone checked on Mr Klink."

"Since he was born today he won't begin daycare until tomorrow."

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

'Oh, well... Accidents will happen.'

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

"You need the toilet. . . hang on I think I've got an app for that."

'I'm afraid it's bad news Mr.Hooper, I've just got the report on your finances.'

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

"These are X-Rays of your operation, and this is a selfie I took with your gall bladder."

'How about a little smile for me. You've outlived my prediction!'

"It says you need a CT scan and that the azaleas in the corner need to be watered twice daily."

'Yeah, bit how does the stork get into the maternity room?'

While you're at it, will you sew on my shirt button please?

'And then, just to humor the guy I said 'I need a hug', little thinking that the big gorilla would do just that.'

"We think we got some good CT scans, but unfortunately they're encrypted and our I.T. guy is on vacation this week."