Hospital Satire Enthusiast Gifts

'I had no idea that hospital food was this bad!'

'Oh no! It's Stig of the accident and emergency ward!'

'After $20,000 worth of tests, we couldn't find anything wrong with you...so we're suing you for 'malpatient'.'

'Turn the camera off! Turn off the web cam!'

"Sorry Mr Penrose. We forgot to shake your medicine this morning."

"I'd heard hospitals were having problems with bed shortage, but..."

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

"No, I won't write your prescription legibly...you'd just google it and ask a lot of dumb questions."

'Well, what do I have?...Within reason, of course.'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

An organ flies across the room during an operation - 'Catch it...!'

"Nurse, when I asked you to make the patient more comfortable I just meant plump up his pillows!"

"When was the last time anyone checked on Mr Klink."

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

'I'm afraid it's bad news Mr.Hooper, I've just got the report on your finances.'

'How about a little smile for me. You've outlived my prediction!'

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

"These are X-Rays of your operation, and this is a selfie I took with your gall bladder."

"It says you need a CT scan and that the azaleas in the corner need to be watered twice daily."

'Yeah, bit how does the stork get into the maternity room?'

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

"I didn't see the coffee table in the middle of the room, due to my visual impairment, caused by the rubbish light emitted by the government approved 150 watt energy saving bulb in my apartment..."

While you're at it, will you sew on my shirt button please?

"Last week on 'Top Surgeon' Erica won immunity, while Carl was sent home for killing his patient during routine gallbladder surgery."

'I'm a practical nurse! -- I know better than to listen to doctors!'

"I got my PhD in Nursing just so people would have to call me Doctor."

"Sorry, new style pain killer. It's the cut-backs I'm afraid."

9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer.

Big slipper.

"His wife and family will decide on the course of treatment, but, as his ex, feel free to open up a few old wounds."

"Your test results are back. We're going to have to remove your appendix and your wallet."

'Pardon me, Doctor; but exactly where did you study anaesthesiology?'

"Would you like to see today's liquidized menu?"