Hospital Satire Aficionado Gifts

"Last week on 'Top Surgeon' Erica won immunity, while Carl was sent home for killing his patient during routine gallbladder surgery."

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

An organ flies across the room during an operation - 'Catch it...!'

"Nurse, when I asked you to make the patient more comfortable I just meant plump up his pillows!"

"When was the last time anyone checked on Mr Klink."

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

'I'm afraid it's bad news Mr.Hooper, I've just got the report on your finances.'

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

"These are X-Rays of your operation, and this is a selfie I took with your gall bladder."

'How about a little smile for me. You've outlived my prediction!'

"I didn't see the coffee table in the middle of the room, due to my visual impairment, caused by the rubbish light emitted by the government approved 150 watt energy saving bulb in my apartment..."

While you're at it, will you sew on my shirt button please?

"It says you need a CT scan and that the azaleas in the corner need to be watered twice daily."

'I'm a practical nurse! -- I know better than to listen to doctors!'

"I got my PhD in Nursing just so people would have to call me Doctor."

"...And this is Mable, who will assist me with the billing."

"Sorry, new style pain killer. It's the cut-backs I'm afraid."

Big slipper.

9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer.

"His wife and family will decide on the course of treatment, but, as his ex, feel free to open up a few old wounds."

"Would you like to see today's liquidized menu?"

'I'm afraid there's been a 23% cut in the 'empathy and compassion' budget so you'll have to tell him to sod off now!'

"We're a bit understaffed today, could you be 6 people?"

Pay Hospital Bill Here.

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

'Perhaps I was a bit too graphic in describing the surgical procedure.'

Doctor to patient: 'I won't be asking about your three marriages. This isn't an invasive procedure.'

Scared husband needs to have scans done in children's exam room.

'I'm sending you to see another doctor, he's a specialist in hyperchondria.'

'He's got great bedside manner.'

"You've got to move. The bed is needed for another TV drama."