Hospital Satire Gifts

"We offer free delivery if you spend over $15,000."

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

Providing Healthcare For All

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

'Sorry, staff shortage.'

'I think it's damn unprofessional for a dermatologist to scream 'Yikes' like that.'

'We'll need to run some preliminary tests to see if you're healthy enough for more invasive follow-up tests.'

'As you know, medical costs have skyrocketed -- that'll be fifty cents.'

STRIP Hambone: Businessman in hospital with his computer

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

'I only got up for a drink of water, and a queue's formed next to my bed.'

'Veins...arteries...I told you I can never tell one from another.'

'The doctors say I have a rare illness that turns people into birds - it's untweetable.'

'Take one of these three times a day until you start to feel better.'

Auto parts, Lite Puff Pastries, & Health Insurance Exchange.

'You can tell your grandkids, you rode the most expensive vehicle on Earth!'

'Well I haven't had a chance to review all your readings in depth, but if I were to be forced to make an educated guess I'd say that your were knackered!'

'The food here isn't too bad, just try not to swallow !'

While you're at it, will you sew on my shirt button please?

"She's losing a lot of cream cheese. We're going to have to cut her open."

'What I call a miracle drug is one that doesn't start a government investigation.'

'I know my instruments are sterilized every day but I have no idea who does it.'

These drug will cost you an arm and a leg...the good news is, my wife and I own stock in the company that makes them.

Scary Halloween ICD-10 codes.

"Last week on 'Top Surgeon' Erica won immunity, while Carl was sent home for killing his patient during routine gallbladder surgery."

'Hi, I'm Dr.Jones. Sorry about my little prank, but it saves us a fortune in enemas.'

What the patient heard and what the doctor meant to convey.

NHS/Private Eye Care.

'Excuse me, sir. Could you spare $2000,000 to treat an uninsurable pre-existing condition?'

"Of course I believe in unions - Where do you think we doctors would be without the A.M.A.?"

"I suppose it was bound to come to this."