Healthcare Satire Gifts

'Hi, I'm Dr.Jones. Sorry about my little prank, but it saves us a fortune in enemas.'

"Make him take 16 of these a day until we feel better about what we're dong to him."

'I'm sorry doctor. But I'm afraid there's a waiting list for heaven.'

"He's a TV doctor now. Here's a discount ticket to his next show."

'And the heavenly thing about this place is you don't have to think about health insurance,'

'Anaesthetic is a big hammer on the NHS.'

'Doctor Norton was your doctor too?'

"BACK FIEND! Take your damned bill and go back from whence you came!"

"Now I'm going to offer a second opinion."

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

Providing Healthcare For All

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

'I think it's damn unprofessional for a dermatologist to scream 'Yikes' like that.'

'We'll need to run some preliminary tests to see if you're healthy enough for more invasive follow-up tests.'

'As you know, medical costs have skyrocketed -- that'll be fifty cents.'

'I only got up for a drink of water, and a queue's formed next to my bed.'

We can't call the doctor, we can't call the nurse, we have to call the lady with the alligator purse.

'Take one of these three times a day until you start to feel better.'

Auto parts, Lite Puff Pastries, & Health Insurance Exchange.

'The doctors say I have a rare illness that turns people into birds - it's untweetable.'

'You can tell your grandkids, you rode the most expensive vehicle on Earth!'

'The food here isn't too bad, just try not to swallow !'

'What I call a miracle drug is one that doesn't start a government investigation.'

Scary Halloween ICD-10 codes.

These drug will cost you an arm and a leg...the good news is, my wife and I own stock in the company that makes them.

What the patient heard and what the doctor meant to convey.

'Excuse me, sir. Could you spare $2000,000 to treat an uninsurable pre-existing condition?'

NHS/Private Eye Care.

"Of course I believe in unions - Where do you think we doctors would be without the A.M.A.?"

'Are you writing my symptoms, or is that your autobiography?'

"Look, look … someone wrote unoperable."

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

"I suppose it was bound to come to this."

If the NHS designed cars...They'd probably be the worst cars in the world.