Health Care Satirists Gifts

'Yes, they're my own teeth. I paid the dentist for them myself.'

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

Providing Healthcare For All

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

'I think it's damn unprofessional for a dermatologist to scream 'Yikes' like that.'

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

'We'll need to run some preliminary tests to see if you're healthy enough for more invasive follow-up tests.'

'As you know, medical costs have skyrocketed -- that'll be fifty cents.'

'I only got up for a drink of water, and a queue's formed next to my bed.'

We can't call the doctor, we can't call the nurse, we have to call the lady with the alligator purse.

'Take one of these three times a day until you start to feel better.'

Auto parts, Lite Puff Pastries, & Health Insurance Exchange.

'The doctors say I have a rare illness that turns people into birds - it's untweetable.'

'You can tell your grandkids, you rode the most expensive vehicle on Earth!'

'The food here isn't too bad, just try not to swallow !'

'What I call a miracle drug is one that doesn't start a government investigation.'

Scary Halloween ICD-10 codes.

These drug will cost you an arm and a leg...the good news is, my wife and I own stock in the company that makes them.

'Hi, I'm Dr.Jones. Sorry about my little prank, but it saves us a fortune in enemas.'

What the patient heard and what the doctor meant to convey.

'Excuse me, sir. Could you spare $2000,000 to treat an uninsurable pre-existing condition?'

"Of course I believe in unions - Where do you think we doctors would be without the A.M.A.?"

NHS/Private Eye Care.

"There's a shortage of beds, dear."

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

'Are you writing my symptoms, or is that your autobiography?'

"I suppose it was bound to come to this."

'Would you like the ECG tracing of your father's death? It's the least we can do.'

"Look, look … someone wrote unoperable."

"Sorry, new style pain killer. It's the cut-backs I'm afraid."

'If you could roll up your sleeves, go behind the screen and plaster the wall.'

Medical Center.

"I've run every test known to man, and it turns out you're allergic to medical bills."

"I've decided to go a different way for our new health plan."