Health Care Satirist Gifts

'Let's order one more MRI, just to play it safe.'

"If our ambulance hadn't hit you, you might be waiting ten or fifteen minutes for another one."

We can't call the doctor, we can't call the nurse, we have to call the lady with the alligator purse.

'Take two aspirins and $100 out of the bank and see me in the morning.'

"Don't worry, Mr. Johns, basically we'll be taking your organs out and repositioning them all, just a bit to the left."

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

Providing Healthcare For All

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

'I think it's damn unprofessional for a dermatologist to scream 'Yikes' like that.'

'We'll need to run some preliminary tests to see if you're healthy enough for more invasive follow-up tests.'

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

'As you know, medical costs have skyrocketed -- that'll be fifty cents.'

'I only got up for a drink of water, and a queue's formed next to my bed.'

'The doctors say I have a rare illness that turns people into birds - it's untweetable.'

'You can tell your grandkids, you rode the most expensive vehicle on Earth!'

Auto parts, Lite Puff Pastries, & Health Insurance Exchange.

'Take one of these three times a day until you start to feel better.'

'The food here isn't too bad, just try not to swallow !'

'What I call a miracle drug is one that doesn't start a government investigation.'

Scary Halloween ICD-10 codes.

These drug will cost you an arm and a leg...the good news is, my wife and I own stock in the company that makes them.

'Hi, I'm Dr.Jones. Sorry about my little prank, but it saves us a fortune in enemas.'

What the patient heard and what the doctor meant to convey.

"Of course I believe in unions - Where do you think we doctors would be without the A.M.A.?"

'Excuse me, sir. Could you spare $2000,000 to treat an uninsurable pre-existing condition?'

NHS/Private Eye Care.

"Sorry, new style pain killer. It's the cut-backs I'm afraid."

"Look, look … someone wrote unoperable."

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

"I've run every test known to man, and it turns out you're allergic to medical bills."

If the NHS designed cars...They'd probably be the worst cars in the world.

'Would you like the ECG tracing of your father's death? It's the least we can do.'

"I suppose it was bound to come to this."

Medical Center.