Healthcare Satire Fan Gifts

'Would you like to wait?'

"… And, just where are we feeling this alleged pain?"

'I'm sending you to see another doctor, he's a specialist in hyperchondria.'

'We'd like you to continue with your 6 am appointments until we find out what's making you tired!'

NHS Dentist - 'Open Wide!'

'The locum's here dear'

"The good news is we were able to save your leg..."

"She claims the placebo we prescribed her causes side effects."

"How's everybody doing tonight on a scale of zero to ten, with then being the worst you've ever felt?"

"And if you DO have a heart attack try to make it a silent one."

"Pay attention, 'switch it off switch it on again' does not apply to the life support machines."

"Your bedside health care book ... thanks for not reading it."

"It's wonderful how John is able to get 100% compliance from his patients!"

Death as a GP.

Dentist imagines dollar signs on teeth.

'You're out of danger -- We're moving you to insensitive care.'

Doctor consulting a textbook.

'You may be running a slight temperature. Make an appointment with the specialist down the hall. . . he's a feverologist.'

'Please pardon the mess around here -- the Surgeon-General held a surprise inspection.:'

'He has an indisposition that malingers on.'

'It's not that simple, Ms. Whelan. You vcan't just shop around until you find a disease you like.'

'Virus?' - 'Yes, it's a Latin word we doctors use, meaning I haven't got a clue..'

Dr. Miska - Eye, Ear, Nose and Embarrassing Bodily Functions!

"According to these scans, I shouldn't have gone to med school in Aruba."

I'll be the first to admit, the results of your autopsy were very surprising.

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

Providing Healthcare For All

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

'I think it's damn unprofessional for a dermatologist to scream 'Yikes' like that.'

'We'll need to run some preliminary tests to see if you're healthy enough for more invasive follow-up tests.'

'As you know, medical costs have skyrocketed -- that'll be fifty cents.'

"You need the toilet. . . hang on I think I've got an app for that."

'I only got up for a drink of water, and a queue's formed next to my bed.'

We can't call the doctor, we can't call the nurse, we have to call the lady with the alligator purse.