Patient Jokester Gifts

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

Virtual Doctor

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

"As soon as your dentist gets here, we'll begin."

'Take two and call me from the Emergency room.'

"Why can’t this count as ‘date night’?"

'Could you stay out of the room for awhile, Nurse? -- Every time you walk in here, his testosterone levels surge.'

Cardiologist Henry Weil like to add some levity before surgery by hiding a whoopee cushion on the operating table.

'Don't worry about your heart - it will last you till the end of your days. . .!'

There aren't any serious side effects — just an occasional Elvis sighting.

"I don't think the crackling sound coming from your lower back is as serious as you thought. Just relax and I'll have this Rice Krispie Square out of your back pocket in no time."

"Uh, try unplugging him, then plugging him back in."

'Brain surgery, Harold? Have you lost your mind?!'

'I've had so many transplants, I feel like a garden nursery.'

Pharmaco. He writes drug side effect warnings. Ah, a health scare provider.

Quick! 5-second rule!

'It's always about you isn't it, George? Wouldn't you like to hear about the terrible day I've had for a change?'

"Fortunately, we have an excellent selection!"

Clinic. Let's see … Have there been any injuries, digestive disorders or malpractice suits today? Nope - No hits, no runs, no errors.

'Then, to stop the spread, they burned the village and sent me home.'

Heart Rate, Respiration, Insurance Remaining.

'Two scalpels and a nurses hat are missing...'

"Next time you give CPR try not to use your tongue."

Why dogs are not hired to do bone scans

'So did you want the ectomy, or just the otomy?'

'You'd better stick with blurry eyes, anxiety attacks and hallucinations, because he drug prescription, I'd give,shows even greater side effects!'

"Sorry Mr Penrose. We forgot to shake your medicine this morning."

Be careful how you unwrap it I think it MIGHT be his stool sample!

M.D. Mrs. Hoskins is here to match wits with you regarding her symptoms.

Patient charts

"Hey Frank, how was your colonoscopy?" "In and out."

'I don't need a bed pan, but an oil pan would be nice.'