Patient Jokester Pillows

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

Virtual Doctor

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

"As soon as your dentist gets here, we'll begin."

'Take two and call me from the Emergency room.'

"Why can’t this count as ‘date night’?"

'Could you stay out of the room for awhile, Nurse? -- Every time you walk in here, his testosterone levels surge.'

"I don't think the crackling sound coming from your lower back is as serious as you thought. Just relax and I'll have this Rice Krispie Square out of your back pocket in no time."

'Don't worry about your heart - it will last you till the end of your days. . .!'

"Fortunately, we have an excellent selection!"

"Uh, try unplugging him, then plugging him back in."

'I've had so many transplants, I feel like a garden nursery.'

'Brain surgery, Harold? Have you lost your mind?!'

'It's always about you isn't it, George? Wouldn't you like to hear about the terrible day I've had for a change?'

'Then, to stop the spread, they burned the village and sent me home.'

Heart Rate, Respiration, Insurance Remaining.

"Next time you give CPR try not to use your tongue."

'Two scalpels and a nurses hat are missing...'

'So did you want the ectomy, or just the otomy?'

Why dogs are not hired to do bone scans

'You'd better stick with blurry eyes, anxiety attacks and hallucinations, because he drug prescription, I'd give,shows even greater side effects!'

Be careful how you unwrap it I think it MIGHT be his stool sample!

"Sorry Mr Penrose. We forgot to shake your medicine this morning."

Patient charts

"Hey Frank, how was your colonoscopy?" "In and out."

'I'm afraid it's bad news Mister Kane...You've got 'Shingles'.'

'I don't need a bed pan, but an oil pan would be nice.'