Medical Jokester Pillows

"It's a prescription for one of those new super-antibiotics. You won't just get better, you'll get even."

Patient charts

Virtual Doctor

"Hey Frank, how was your colonoscopy?" "In and out."

"You may be a little sore when you come to, until the swelling goes down."

"Are you able to hold? And no, it's not a medical question."

Heart Rate, Respiration, Insurance Remaining.

"As soon as your dentist gets here, we'll begin."

'Here's a good one for you, Doctor -- he's allergic to placeboes.'

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

'He must have crept in at night. The important thing is to stay calm.'

'Two scalpels and a nurses hat are missing...'

'I'm afraid it's bad news Mister Kane...You've got 'Shingles'.'

'Malpractice? No -it's not our dog.'

"I'll only remove what's necessary...your gall bladder and the man bun."

Why dogs are not hired to do bone scans

Doctor using a crystal ball to diagnose patient,

'Don't worry about your heart - it will last you till the end of your days. . .!'

"Well it's not so much a pain, more of a slight sensation, a bit like being tapped on the nose with a spoon."

"It's weeder's elbow."

"These won't cure your allergy, but they'll send it a message."

Operating Room Table Scraps

"I'm not really a doctor. I'm a placebo."

'Believe me, this is worse for me than it is for you.'

Doctor forgets he's treating patient for Alzheimer's disease.

'I've spoken to my accountant. . . Looks like you need an operation.'

"The defibrillator's not for pressing panini."

'You're lucky -- all I have is a PRACTICAL nurse.'

'OK, heads we name your malady after you, tails, we name it after me.'

'One of the side effects of this medication is it gives people the urge to operate heavy machinery.'

Be careful how you unwrap it I think it MIGHT be his stool sample!

Man on crutches sees door with 'Jammed Knees', handles says 'Please Pull My Leg'.

'How's the new pacemaker.'

'No, Mr.Carson...a booster shot is NOT a double whiskey!'