Medical Joke Enthusiast Pillows

'The nurse tells me you haven't been swallowing your pills.' (Doctor has harpoon).

"Fortunately treatment will be relatively inexpensive since you have the generic form of the disease!"

'What's the problem?'

"I'm afraid someone drank your sample."

'I can't seem to recall the Latin term for 'little green pill that makes you feel better.' '

'Lucky break for you Dad, that they had that body cast in your size.'

'The pain went away as soon as you said it would cost $5,000.'

'For $1500 a day, I should at least get a nurse in a miniskirt!'

"While I'm not an internist...I'd say you coughed up your small intestines!"

"As a matter of fact, you do have bad breath."

"Doctor, my ear keeps ringing. . ."

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

Virtual Doctor

Happy Birthday to you.

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

Dog forced to return bone

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

'We'll need to run some preliminary tests to see if you're healthy enough for more invasive follow-up tests.'

'The doctor will acknowlege your existance now.'

"She keeps getting a stitch in her side."

'Long shift?'

"Tut tut. You're only having a baby, if you had my flu last week you'd know what real pain was."

'Time for your pills.'

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

"Gross."

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

Doctor receiving advice from patient's mother

"As soon as your dentist gets here, we'll begin."

"Turn your head and cough."

Why you shouldn't date an anesthesiologist.

'Take two and call me from the Emergency room.'