Doctor Joke Enthusiast Pillows

'Hey, what do you want from me? As a primary care physician, ALL I DO is prescribe drugs and refer you to specialists.'

We've discovered this cures hypochondria without even having to inject it...!

"A specialist is a doctor with a smaller practice and a bigger home."

Lactose Intolerant

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

"No, I won't write your prescription legibly...you'd just google it and ask a lot of dumb questions."

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

Happy Birthday to you.

Dog forced to return bone

'The doctor says he's going to have to give you a few more tests...'

'We'll need to run some preliminary tests to see if you're healthy enough for more invasive follow-up tests.'

"She keeps getting a stitch in her side."

'The doctor will acknowlege your existance now.'

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

"Tut tut. You're only having a baby, if you had my flu last week you'd know what real pain was."

Operating Room Humor. Why are anesthesiologists assumed to be honest? Because numb-ers don't lie!

'Long shift?'

"Gross."

'Time for your pills.'

Doctor receiving advice from patient's mother

"Turn your head and cough."

Why you shouldn't date an anesthesiologist.

'You can tell your grandkids, you rode the most expensive vehicle on Earth!'

'Take two and call me from the Emergency room.'

Mobile Operations Stand.

"Darn it, lost another swab."

'I think we should cut back on the tranquilizers.'

"It appears your anus transplant has rejected you..."

Heimlich maneuver, Gastric bypass surgery, Liver transplant.

"No, your tonsils are fine. It's all the rest of you that's knackered!"

'No, you won't live longer if you give up sex and alcohol. But it'll seem like it.'

'You don't need a colonoscopy, but I'm sending you for one because, quite frankly, I don't like you.'