Doctor Joke Lover Pillows

What you have is not serious. It would only be serious if I had it. (Originally published on 2007-10-10).

Yes, by all means, Mr. Fusco, feel free to seek out a second opinion

'Yes, I could 'take a wild guess', but I think I'll do some tests.'

GALLSTONE SPECIALIST: This too shall pass

Man not charged enough for first opinion.

'Our employees are seeing doctors less now we've started hiring quacks.'

"No, I won't write your prescription legibly...you'd just google it and ask a lot of dumb questions."

Lactose Intolerant

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

"You'll feel a pinch and then a burn."

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

'Quick, do a background search and see if this doctor passed his boards!'

Brian surgeon squeezing brains from a tube.

'Restless Peg Syndrome.'

'The doctor will be with you shortly, he's finishing medical school.'

There's Nothing Worse Than A Staff Infection

Wait a minute…What operating system are you using?… Common techie question.

Give it to me straight, Doc, and don't poopcoat it.

"Looks like your Yang is on the move again."

'No, you won't live longer if you give up sex and alcohol. But it'll seem like it.'

'You've got the worst case of whatever this is, I've ever seen.'

'Can't you give the dummy mouth to mouth without getting romantically involved Mrs Wilks?'

'And I think you'll find something extra in your dessert, Hon.'

Radiology, Cardiology and Fertility Clinic.

Until Bob entered her life, Lisa never even knew the meaning of the phrase 'acute multiple drug-resistant infection by transgenic Staphylococcus aureus.

"Dr. Eliot, would you let the dog out?"

'It's caused by doing too many wrist curls, overindulging in spinach and... Excuse me. Everyone in here - stat - if you want to see an actual case of 'Popeye Syndrome'!'

"Of course I believe in unions - Where do you think we doctors would be without the A.M.A.?"

"Look on the bright side – the Rogaine worked!"

"I came here to be treated - not flattered!"

"You won’t need refills."

How To Make A Pigs Ear Out Of Swine Flu.

"So, when will we be getting the next batch?"