Doctor's Joke Lover Pillows

"I'm going to send you to someone who's not afraid of doing a little harm."

Lactose Intolerant

"No, I won't write your prescription legibly...you'd just google it and ask a lot of dumb questions."

'You've got the worst case of whatever this is, I've ever seen.'

Hypochondria Hospital

"You have a heart murmur and I'm starting to hear your liver and kidneys complain."

Doctor to patient: 'I won't be asking about your three marriages. This isn't an invasive procedure.'

'These young doctors know nothing, I used to see 500 patients every day...'

'I had this two years ago.'

"Yes, I have seen people in worse health than you. But, they were all dead."

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

"I'm Dr. Fenton. I'll be performing your microsurgery today."

I like a lot of witnesses around.

'It's me, Jack Gurkenman! I'm your ophthalmologist with the broken left ankle, doctor!'

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

Tinnitus.

'Hey, what do you want from me? As a primary care physician, ALL I DO is prescribe drugs and refer you to specialists.'

Chiropodist is wearing a gas mask while treating a client.

'I see that somebody grabbed the bull by the horns.'

Neuro Surgery. Staff only. Sorry, that took longer than I expected --- He has a lot of nerve!

'Good grief. I think your body rejected your cornea transplant.'

'Your X-Rays are here. . . beautiful high-resolution!'

'We may as well make use of you.'

"Good news. You're not ready for a kick-the-bucket list."

GP say 10 minute surgery is not long enough

'Nurse, has the staff been eating in pre-op again? There's mayonnaise on the scalpel.'

"He's losing his will to pay!"

GALLSTONE SPECIALIST: This too shall pass

"Undress down to your underwear and have a seat. The optometrist will be in shortly."

"A specialist is a doctor with a smaller practice and a bigger home."

'Perhaps dressing up my skeleton like this wasn't as wittily amusing an ideas as I'd thought.'

Dr. Smith Fear, Nose and Throat. Oh my!! You should be scared to death, Frank!

"Trust me, Senator. Many people have active and fulfilling sex lives long after they've retired from Congress."

'I've broken a tooth.'

"Ah-ah-ah! - Just one symptom per customer!"