Doctor's Joke Lover Prints

"I'm going to send you to someone who's not afraid of doing a little harm."

Lactose Intolerant

'You've got the worst case of whatever this is, I've ever seen.'

Hypochondria Hospital

"You have a heart murmur and I'm starting to hear your liver and kidneys complain."

Doctor to patient: 'I won't be asking about your three marriages. This isn't an invasive procedure.'

'These young doctors know nothing, I used to see 500 patients every day...'

"Yes, I have seen people in worse health than you. But, they were all dead."

'I had this two years ago.'

'It's me, Jack Gurkenman! I'm your ophthalmologist with the broken left ankle, doctor!'

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

"I'm Dr. Fenton. I'll be performing your microsurgery today."

I like a lot of witnesses around.

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

Tinnitus.

'Hey, what do you want from me? As a primary care physician, ALL I DO is prescribe drugs and refer you to specialists.'

Chiropodist is wearing a gas mask while treating a client.

"Good news. You're not ready for a kick-the-bucket list."

'Your X-Rays are here. . . beautiful high-resolution!'

'Good grief. I think your body rejected your cornea transplant.'

'I see that somebody grabbed the bull by the horns.'

'We may as well make use of you.'

GP say 10 minute surgery is not long enough

'Nurse, has the staff been eating in pre-op again? There's mayonnaise on the scalpel.'

GALLSTONE SPECIALIST: This too shall pass

"He's losing his will to pay!"

'Perhaps dressing up my skeleton like this wasn't as wittily amusing an ideas as I'd thought.'

"A specialist is a doctor with a smaller practice and a bigger home."

"Undress down to your underwear and have a seat. The optometrist will be in shortly."

"Trust me, Senator. Many people have active and fulfilling sex lives long after they've retired from Congress."

'I've broken a tooth.'

"Ah-ah-ah! - Just one symptom per customer!"

'Really, doctor! Minor surgery is out of the question.'