Fan Of Doctor Jokes Prints

'You've got the worst case of whatever this is, I've ever seen.'

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

'Where does it hurt?'

"You have a heart murmur and I'm starting to hear your liver and kidneys complain."

'I had this two years ago.'

It was only Monday...but Dr Davies knew that it was going to be a long...long week...

"Do you want to speak to the man in charge or the nurse who knows what's going on?"

"You have natural causes.''

"I'm Dr. Fenton. I'll be performing your microsurgery today."

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

'It's me, Jack Gurkenman! I'm your ophthalmologist with the broken left ankle, doctor!'

'Hey, what do you want from me? As a primary care physician, ALL I DO is prescribe drugs and refer you to specialists.'

Oh, good - Looks like the doctor's in.

"Good news. You're not ready for a kick-the-bucket list."

Your numerous prescriptions really have improved my love life. I'm dating my pharmacist.

GP say 10 minute surgery is not long enough

'Nurse, has the staff been eating in pre-op again? There's mayonnaise on the scalpel.'

"We still don't have a diagnosis for your rash, so we're going to run some more money on it and see what happens."

Oh dear. I think your body rejected your cornea transplant.

'What's that noise?'

"A specialist is a doctor with a smaller practice and a bigger home."

"He's losing his will to pay!"

"Undress down to your underwear and have a seat. The optometrist will be in shortly."

GALLSTONE SPECIALIST: This too shall pass

With a hindsight exam result of 20/40, Harold hoped the new monocle would be less irritating than the last one.

CITY HOSPITAL, 'It's all right, officer -- I'm an outpatient.'

"Ah-ah-ah! - Just one symptom per customer!"

'Take that back! - Gynecologists aren't EITHER sissies!'

'Our employees are seeing doctors less now we've started hiring quacks.'

Man not charged enough for first opinion.

'I advise you to change doctors.'

"Do you have any fresh medical mumbo jumbo?"