Fans Of Doctor Jokes Prints

"Undress down to your underwear and have a seat. The optometrist will be in shortly."

'Take that back! - Gynecologists aren't EITHER sissies!'

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

'A Caesarian? - But I want my son to be a natural-born citizen!'

'You've got the worst case of whatever this is, I've ever seen.'

'My diagnostic software is acting up. It says you are pregnant.'

The Uterus in the form of a Ewe

"You have a heart murmur and I'm starting to hear your liver and kidneys complain."

'Where does it hurt?'

An allergist sneezing

'I had this two years ago.'

"Do you want to speak to the man in charge or the nurse who knows what's going on?"

'Mind that molar, careful of that canine...'

"You have the Hum bug.'

"I'm Dr. Fenton. I'll be performing your microsurgery today."

'It's me, Jack Gurkenman! I'm your ophthalmologist with the broken left ankle, doctor!'

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

"Wuhan virus, Ebola, West Nile, Asian Flu. . . what's wrong with good old American diseases?"

"What about that! His brain still uses the old vacuum tubes."

'Hey, what do you want from me? As a primary care physician, ALL I DO is prescribe drugs and refer you to specialists.'

Oh, good - Looks like the doctor's in.

'General practitoner'

"Good news. You're not ready for a kick-the-bucket list."

"Whoever she is...she's one hell of an egg donor."

GP say 10 minute surgery is not long enough

'I wish we could tape their ramblings under anesthesia, it would make a great reality show.'

"Sigh! No boating today." "For? Damn!" "Okay, prep her. Oh, and cancel my tee time." "How elective surgery really works."

"Did I mention the date I had last night? A complete stiff, no sense of humor ... much too cerebral."

'Nurse, has the staff been eating in pre-op again? There's mayonnaise on the scalpel.'

"I'm still worried about not finding the end of your finger."

'Of course, you're welcome to a second opinion from our HMO's insurance executive.'

"A specialist is a doctor with a smaller practice and a bigger home."

GALLSTONE SPECIALIST: This too shall pass

Pirate Doctor

"Well, at least his heart's in the right place."