Doctor Who Loves Jokes Prints

"Ah-ah-ah! - Just one symptom per customer!"

"Don't panic. I'm just a sore throat."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"No, I won't write your prescription legibly...you'd just google it and ask a lot of dumb questions."

"That's where the pain gets me, doc."

'No, you won't live longer if you give up sex and alcohol. But it'll seem like it.'

'You've got the worst case of whatever this is, I've ever seen.'

"You have a heart murmur and I'm starting to hear your liver and kidneys complain."

'No, you don't have hemorrhoids. You have a case of himorrhoids, has your husband been a pain in the butt, lately?'

"You have ice water in your veins."

'I had this two years ago.'

"Do you want to speak to the man in charge or the nurse who knows what's going on?"

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

'It's me, Jack Gurkenman! I'm your ophthalmologist with the broken left ankle, doctor!'

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

"I'm Dr. Fenton. I'll be performing your microsurgery today."

'Hey, what do you want from me? As a primary care physician, ALL I DO is prescribe drugs and refer you to specialists.'

Oh, good - Looks like the doctor's in.

GP say 10 minute surgery is not long enough

'I had a great time tonight. I'd like to see you again in about six months.'

'Nurse, has the staff been eating in pre-op again? There's mayonnaise on the scalpel.'

"A specialist is a doctor with a smaller practice and a bigger home."

"Sorry, I had the hiccups."

GALLSTONE SPECIALIST: This too shall pass

'What's that noise?'

"He's losing his will to pay!"

"Undress down to your underwear and have a seat. The optometrist will be in shortly."

'The bad news is you had two diseases no one in history ever had together, The good news is they canceled each other out'

'You have a choice. An ultra-expensive medication that may cure you but has the side-effect of bankruptcy, OR a low-priced medication with a side-effect of a near-death experience.'

'Our employees are seeing doctors less now we've started hiring quacks.'

Man not charged enough for first opinion.

'Take that back! - Gynecologists aren't EITHER sissies!'

"Frank here used to teach high school physiology, so if you value your Zygomatic arch or your Alveolar margins, you'll start talking."

Yes, by all means, Mr. Fusco, feel free to seek out a second opinion

'His heart was tragically deformed.'