Enjoys Doctor Jokes Prints

'It's me, Jack Gurkenman! I'm your ophthalmologist with the broken left ankle, doctor!'

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

"No, I won't write your prescription legibly...you'd just google it and ask a lot of dumb questions."

'You've got the worst case of whatever this is, I've ever seen.'

9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer.

'Are you writing my symptoms, or is that your autobiography?'

Locum GP's to be paid for extra work on the BMA agreement

'No, you don't have hemorrhoids. You have a case of himorrhoids, has your husband been a pain in the butt, lately?'

"Tell me Mr. Jones. Does it hurt when I do this?"

"Doctors, Gilby, Beam and Henson. Ears, nose and throat."

Surgery Instructions.

'I had this two years ago.'

"You have ice water in your veins."

"They used to call them G.P.s."

"Do you want to speak to the man in charge or the nurse who knows what's going on?"

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

"If you don't feel better in a few days give me a call and I'll completely ignore you."

"We've determined that it sucks to be you."

"I'm Dr. Fenton. I'll be performing your microsurgery today."

'Hey, what do you want from me? As a primary care physician, ALL I DO is prescribe drugs and refer you to specialists.'

'My speciality is referring patients to the right specialist.'

"And I suppost you've never had a friendly wager with a colleague?"

Neuro Surgery. Staff only. Sorry, that took longer than I expected --- He has a lot of nerve!

'I had a great time tonight. I'd like to see you again in about six months.'

GP say 10 minute surgery is not long enough

"These aspirin are for me. That patient in room 102 is a real pain!"

'Nurse, has the staff been eating in pre-op again? There's mayonnaise on the scalpel.'

'Spin GP'

"He's losing his will to pay!"

"A specialist is a doctor with a smaller practice and a bigger home."

'The bad news is you had two diseases no one in history ever had together, The good news is they canceled each other out'

'What's that noise?'

"We found traces of conscience, fortunately we caught it early."

'If you're tired of only hearing good news or bad news, we're running a special on 'meh' news.'

"Undress down to your underwear and have a seat. The optometrist will be in shortly."