Doctor Doctor Joke Lover Pillows

"It's the age of the specialist. In fact five out of six doctors recommend another doctor."

Lactose Intolerant

"No, I won't write your prescription legibly...you'd just google it and ask a lot of dumb questions."

"That's where the pain gets me, doc."

'No, you won't live longer if you give up sex and alcohol. But it'll seem like it.'

'You've got the worst case of whatever this is, I've ever seen.'

Hypochondria Hospital

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

"You have a heart murmur and I'm starting to hear your liver and kidneys complain."

Doctor to patient: 'I won't be asking about your three marriages. This isn't an invasive procedure.'

'No, you don't have hemorrhoids. You have a case of himorrhoids, has your husband been a pain in the butt, lately?'

'These young doctors know nothing, I used to see 500 patients every day...'

'I had this two years ago.'

"Do you want to speak to the man in charge or the nurse who knows what's going on?"

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

I like a lot of witnesses around.

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

"I'm Dr. Fenton. I'll be performing your microsurgery today."

Tinnitus.

'Hey, what do you want from me? As a primary care physician, ALL I DO is prescribe drugs and refer you to specialists.'

Chiropodist is wearing a gas mask while treating a client.

Oh, good - Looks like the doctor's in.

'Good grief. I think your body rejected your cornea transplant.'

"Good news. You're not ready for a kick-the-bucket list."

'Your X-Rays are here. . . beautiful high-resolution!'

'I see that somebody grabbed the bull by the horns.'

'We may as well make use of you.'

GP say 10 minute surgery is not long enough

'Nurse, has the staff been eating in pre-op again? There's mayonnaise on the scalpel.'

'Perhaps dressing up my skeleton like this wasn't as wittily amusing an ideas as I'd thought.'

GALLSTONE SPECIALIST: This too shall pass

"Undress down to your underwear and have a seat. The optometrist will be in shortly."

Dr. Smith Fear, Nose and Throat. Oh my!! You should be scared to death, Frank!

"Trust me, Senator. Many people have active and fulfilling sex lives long after they've retired from Congress."

"He's losing his will to pay!"