Medical Joke Lover Pillows

'Who would ever believe this started with a paper cut you kept picking at...'

Tinnitus.

"Good news-the lump is nothing to worry about."

"Doctor, I can't feel my feet."

'Well, if it's hereditary, send the bill to one of my relatives.'

Chiropodist is wearing a gas mask while treating a client.

Doctor to patient: 'I won't be asking about your three marriages. This isn't an invasive procedure.'

'I've broken a tooth.'

'Good grief. I think your body rejected your cornea transplant.'

'I hate telling you this, but what you have is very, very expensive.'

'The doctor will undress you with his eyes now.'

My appendix! The stitches are too tight!

'Look on the bright side, Mr. Pomeroy. NOBODY'S ever been hit by a meteorite TWICE!'

'The pain is just Nature's way of telling you that you have your pants on backwards.'

'You say that when you wake up you feel dizzy for 10 minutes? I suggest that you wake up 10 minutes later.'

Hypochondria Hospital

"Your ex-wife asked that as long as we've got you in here, could we perform and any sort of procedure that simulates the pain of childbirth."

"I come from a family of long livers."

Surgery While You Wait.

"Trust me, Senator. Many people have active and fulfilling sex lives long after they've retired from Congress."

'Perhaps dressing up my skeleton like this wasn't as wittily amusing an ideas as I'd thought.'

'Uh, doctor? I really think you should update your prescription pad!'

'I see that somebody grabbed the bull by the horns.'

'Now, Frank, hold still while the doctor looks at you so he can tell me what's wrong.'

I like a lot of witnesses around.

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

'Really, doctor! Minor surgery is out of the question.'

'We may as well make use of you.'

"You say you need to open me up again because you've left a pair of gloves inside? Couldn't I just pay for them?"

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."