Medical Joke Appreciator Pillows

"Are you a paediatrician?"

'Will you stop referring to contaceptives as labor-saving device.'

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

'You have a strawberry on your nose, I'll give you some cream to put on it!'

The obstetrician doesn't need a close catcher...

'Hello, I'm Dr. Frank Stein and this is my anaesthetist, Dr. Ivan Gore. We'll be doing your hernia operation tomorrow.'

Dog forced to return bone

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

"Heart transplant surgery waiting room"

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

"We'd like to run a few tests on you to work the kinks out of it."

Hypochondria Hospital

'Hey, this guy's been operated on before!'

"You have a heart murmur and I'm starting to hear your liver and kidneys complain."

'Where does it hurt?'

Eye, ear, nose, throat and loans to pay the bills.

'I hope you all appreciate the irony in this.'

"...I'll send you for an amniocentesis."

Doctor to patient: 'I won't be asking about your three marriages. This isn't an invasive procedure.'

"When they develop their own gravitational field it's a clear warning sign of getting type 2 diabetes."

"It's inoperable and perennial."

Paramedics.

'My 'friend' has this problem, Doctor!'

'Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun.'

"Yikes! Okay, I'm going to pretend I didn't see this."

'You need a heart transplant, maybe two.'

"It happened either over the weekend or when I left the office today for lunch."

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

"You have what we are going to call Klitson's Disease, Mr. Klitson."

I like a lot of witnesses around.

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

'You carry a rabbit's foot — well, that explains the rabbit fever.'

'The good news is that you look good. The bad news is that you're not as good as you look.'

"I'm Dr. Fenton. I'll be performing your microsurgery today."

Doctor consulting a textbook.