Medical Joke Appreciator Pillows

"Are you a paediatrician?"

Medical School. Clinic. Bad genes do cause some medical issues, but prescribing khaki trousers does not help.

'Will you stop referring to contaceptives as labor-saving device.'

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

'You have a strawberry on your nose, I'll give you some cream to put on it!'

The obstetrician doesn't need a close catcher...

'Hello, I'm Dr. Frank Stein and this is my anaesthetist, Dr. Ivan Gore. We'll be doing your hernia operation tomorrow.'

Dog forced to return bone

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

"Heart transplant surgery waiting room"

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

'Hey, this guy's been operated on before!'

"We'd like to run a few tests on you to work the kinks out of it."

Hypochondria Hospital

'Where does it hurt?'

"You have a heart murmur and I'm starting to hear your liver and kidneys complain."

Eye, ear, nose, throat and loans to pay the bills.

'I hope you all appreciate the irony in this.'

Doctor to patient: 'I won't be asking about your three marriages. This isn't an invasive procedure.'

"...I'll send you for an amniocentesis."

"It's inoperable and perennial."

'Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun.'

'My 'friend' has this problem, Doctor!'

"When they develop their own gravitational field it's a clear warning sign of getting type 2 diabetes."

Paramedics.

"Yikes! Okay, I'm going to pretend I didn't see this."

Elephant walking out of urologist office carrying 2 peanuts in jar.

'You need a heart transplant, maybe two.'

"It happened either over the weekend or when I left the office today for lunch."

'You carry a rabbit's foot — well, that explains the rabbit fever.'

I like a lot of witnesses around.

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

"I'm Dr. Fenton. I'll be performing your microsurgery today."

"You have what we are going to call Klitson's Disease, Mr. Klitson."

Doctor consulting a textbook.