Medical Joke Enthusiast Prints

'The nurse tells me you haven't been swallowing your pills.' (Doctor has harpoon).

"Fortunately treatment will be relatively inexpensive since you have the generic form of the disease!"

'What's the problem?'

"I'm afraid someone drank your sample."

'I can't seem to recall the Latin term for 'little green pill that makes you feel better.' '

'Lucky break for you Dad, that they had that body cast in your size.'

'The pain went away as soon as you said it would cost $5,000.'

'For $1500 a day, I should at least get a nurse in a miniskirt!'

'Perhaps I should clarify. When I told you to drink plenty of fluids...'

"While I'm not an internist...I'd say you coughed up your small intestines!"

"Your prognosis? That depends on your health insurance."

"As a matter of fact, you do have bad breath."

"Doctor, my ear keeps ringing. . ."

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

Virtual Doctor

Happy Birthday to you.

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

Dog forced to return bone

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

'The doctor says he's going to have to give you a few more tests...'

'We'll need to run some preliminary tests to see if you're healthy enough for more invasive follow-up tests.'

"She keeps getting a stitch in her side."

'Long shift?'

'The doctor will acknowlege your existance now.'

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

'Time for your pills.'

Operating Room Humor. Why are anesthesiologists assumed to be honest? Because numb-ers don't lie!

"Gross."

"Tut tut. You're only having a baby, if you had my flu last week you'd know what real pain was."

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

Doctor receiving advice from patient's mother