Surgical Jokester Pillows

"Uh, try unplugging him, then plugging him back in."

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

Virtual Doctor

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

"Damn it, nurse! I didn't ask for a twenty. I asked for a ten and two fives."

"As soon as your dentist gets here, we'll begin."

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

Current location

"I give up. Where's the patient?'

Cardiologist Henry Weil like to add some levity before surgery by hiding a whoopee cushion on the operating table.

There aren't any serious side effects — just an occasional Elvis sighting.

'Don't worry about your heart - it will last you till the end of your days. . .!'

"Norton! Put that back at once!"

'Good help is hard to find, so I decided to clone myself.'

'I've had so many transplants, I feel like a garden nursery.'

'Brain surgery, Harold? Have you lost your mind?!'

Clinic. Let's see … Have there been any injuries, digestive disorders or malpractice suits today? Nope - No hits, no runs, no errors.

"Rolling pizza cutter."

'It's always about you isn't it, George? Wouldn't you like to hear about the terrible day I've had for a change?'

'I've a horrible feeling I've left one of the implements inside the patient, Chang.'

"And it'll stay clamped until you play my Usher CD."

Pinocchio has a nose job.

"Fortunately, we have an excellent selection!"

Quick! 5-second rule!

Heart Rate, Respiration, Insurance Remaining.

'Two scalpels and a nurses hat are missing...'

Doctor, I can't feel my legs! I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms.

Why dogs are not hired to do bone scans

Be careful how you unwrap it I think it MIGHT be his stool sample!

'Malpractice? No - it's not our dog.'

'Oi! We're your nipples you idiot!'