Surgical Joker Pillows

'Stick...'

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

Virtual Doctor

"Sorry, that's not my table."

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

"Damn it, nurse! I didn't ask for a twenty. I asked for a ten and two fives."

"As soon as your dentist gets here, we'll begin."

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

Current location

"I give up. Where's the patient?'

Cardiologist Henry Weil like to add some levity before surgery by hiding a whoopee cushion on the operating table.

'Don't worry about your heart - it will last you till the end of your days. . .!'

"Norton! Put that back at once!"

"I think you may have your gown on back to front."

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

"Rolling pizza cutter."

'Good help is hard to find, so I decided to clone myself.'

Quick! 5-second rule!

'I've a horrible feeling I've left one of the implements inside the patient, Chang.'

"And it'll stay clamped until you play my Usher CD."

'Brain surgery, Harold? Have you lost your mind?!'

Pinocchio has a nose job.

"Uh, try unplugging him, then plugging him back in."

Heart Rate, Respiration, Insurance Remaining.

'Two scalpels and a nurses hat are missing...'

Reflex Testing -"...and you're sure you can't feel it"

Doctor, I can't feel my legs! I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms.

Why dogs are not hired to do bone scans

'There's been unexpected complications involving your husband's bill.'

Be careful how you unwrap it I think it MIGHT be his stool sample!

'Malpractice? No - it's not our dog.'

Patient charts

"Hey Frank, how was your colonoscopy?" "In and out."