Illness Jokester Pillows

'Now, don't panic, but I'd like you to take off all your clothes so we can burn them.'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

Virtual Doctor

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

Sisyphus and coronavirus

"As soon as your dentist gets here, we'll begin."

'Take two and call me from the Emergency room.'

"Why can’t this count as ‘date night’?"

'Could you stay out of the room for awhile, Nurse? -- Every time you walk in here, his testosterone levels surge.'

'Don't worry about your heart - it will last you till the end of your days. . .!'

'I just came back from the allergist. I'm allergic to life.'

'It's always about you isn't it, George? Wouldn't you like to hear about the terrible day I've had for a change?'

'If you're into preparing healthy meals then I recommend the apricot brandy. It contains the antioxidant beta carotene.'

"Fortunately, we have an excellent selection!"

'Brain surgery, Harold? Have you lost your mind?!'

'I've had so many transplants, I feel like a garden nursery.'

'Then, to stop the spread, they burned the village and sent me home.'

Heart Rate, Respiration, Insurance Remaining.

'Two scalpels and a nurses hat are missing...'

"Next time you give CPR try not to use your tongue."

Why dogs are not hired to do bone scans

'So did you want the ectomy, or just the otomy?'

"But why not be happy about all the diseases you don't have?"

Be careful how you unwrap it I think it MIGHT be his stool sample!

'Pistachio ice cream does not cpont as a serving of greens.'

'You'd better stick with blurry eyes, anxiety attacks and hallucinations, because he drug prescription, I'd give,shows even greater side effects!'

Patient charts

"Hey Frank, how was your colonoscopy?" "In and out."

' ... and a side order of statins.'