Disease Humor Enthusiast Pillows

"Oh my god, apple pox!"

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

Lactose Intolerant

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

PSA Banter.

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

Providing Healthcare For All

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'

'We're all out of flu vaccine - how about something for anxiety...?'

'His workout regimen consists of 50 sit-downs every day.'

"Is that your idea of a well balanced diet"

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

Happy Birthday to you.

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

"Gesundheit!"

Would you be willing to sign something regarding the fat content of your burger? Like what? My colon.

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

My Dream Valentine

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."