Health Humor Enthusiasts Pillows

Kidney Stone Quality Control Dept.

'The bad news is you've got something no one's ever heard of...the good news is we're naming it after you!'

'Mr Stevens, I have good news and bad news for you... The good news is You're not hypochondriac!'

Carpal Tunnel of Love

You're as healthy as a horse, Mr. Fusco. But since you're a wolverine, I'm not sure if that's a step up or a step down

'I don't think you're supposed to roll them up and smoke them. . .'

"Looks like you both suffer from IBS. You...irritable bowel. Your friend...irritable burl."

'You may be feeling unwell because of the amount of medication you're taking...I'll just see if there's something I can give you for that.'

Slimming club with 'Thin' and 'Stout' trays.

'That's the biggest cavity I've ever seen, ever seen?'

'The doctor said you've been whining about taking a baby aspirin everyday, so he's switching you to crybaby aspirin.'

'I've got this feeling, like a heavy weight on my stomach.'

"Mopping up free radicals with cranberry juice - is that your big anti-terrorist idea of the day?"

"We try to diversify."

"Wuhan virus, Ebola, West Nile, Asian Flu. . . what's wrong with good old American diseases?"

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

Lactose Intolerant

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

PSA Banter.

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

Providing Healthcare For All

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'

'We're all out of flu vaccine - how about something for anxiety...?'

"Is that your idea of a well balanced diet"

'His workout regimen consists of 50 sit-downs every day.'

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

Would you be willing to sign something regarding the fat content of your burger? Like what? My colon.

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."