Illness Satire Pillows

"Don't be so dramatic, you've only got a cold!"

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

"I feel your pain level."

'I'm afraid it's bad news Mr.Hooper, I've just got the report on your finances.'

While you're at it, will you sew on my shirt button please?

Heimlich maneuver, Gastric bypass surgery, Liver transplant.

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

Dr. Flagg's Worst Nightmare

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

'Hi, I'm Dr.Jones. Sorry about my little prank, but it saves us a fortune in enemas.'

'Don't worry. We still have a few more treatment options available.'

How To Make A Pigs Ear Out Of Swine Flu.

"Your test results are perfect and there is nothing wrong with you. We will operate on you for it tomorrow."

9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer.

'I can't make you younger...odometer tampering is against the law.'

"I am not the famous heart surgeon, but I am in his medical group."

Pay Hospital Bill Here.

'If you begin to feel unwell, start or stop taking aspirin...'

Eye, ear, nose, throat and loans to pay the bills.

"Tell me Mr. Jones. Does it hurt when I do this?"

The NHS begins using outside contractors for routine operations.

"I'm afraid you have a slow, painful, terminal disease, so I'm sending you to a hospital where you can catch a quicker one."

'So how did you manage to get your saline replaced with lager?'

"Just think of all the cigarettes I could have smoked."

"It'll need a carburettor transplant, a right wing panel augmentation, and an engine oil transfusion... Maybe you should consider euthanasia."

Hospital porter leaving brain behind

"On a scale of 1-10, how painfully awkward is this?"

"Fortunately I hold the patent for the gene that's causing the ringing in your ears, and I can refer you to the doctor who holds the patent for the gene that's causing the pain in your ears."