Satirical Sickness Lover Pillows

'-pop in tomorrow and avoid the rash'

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

"I feel your pain level."

'I'm afraid it's bad news Mr.Hooper, I've just got the report on your finances.'

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

Heimlich maneuver, Gastric bypass surgery, Liver transplant.

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

Dr. Flagg's Worst Nightmare

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

'Don't worry. We still have a few more treatment options available.'

'I can't make you younger...odometer tampering is against the law.'

How To Make A Pigs Ear Out Of Swine Flu.

"Your test results are perfect and there is nothing wrong with you. We will operate on you for it tomorrow."

"I am not the famous heart surgeon, but I am in his medical group."

Pay Hospital Bill Here.

'If you begin to feel unwell, start or stop taking aspirin...'

'Another sick note from your employer !'

Eye, ear, nose, throat and loans to pay the bills.

The NHS begins using outside contractors for routine operations.

'It's another squirrel - from the park. I warned you not to start feeding them.'

"Tell me Mr. Jones. Does it hurt when I do this?"

"Fortunately I hold the patent for the gene that's causing the ringing in your ears, and I can refer you to the doctor who holds the patent for the gene that's causing the pain in your ears."

"I'm afraid you have a slow, painful, terminal disease, so I'm sending you to a hospital where you can catch a quicker one."

"It'll need a carburettor transplant, a right wing panel augmentation, and an engine oil transfusion... Maybe you should consider euthanasia."

"On a scale of 1-10, how painfully awkward is this?"

"Very funny."

'I'm afraid the bed shortage is rather acute...'

"While you're at it, could you give him some pizzazz?"

'We've decided it might be better to show your televised operation after the 9 o'clock watershed...'

"The good news is we were able to save your leg..."

'We've talked it over, and we've decided to hold you for observation.'

"Sometimes a tightness in the chest can be a sign of high blood pressure. In your husband's case, however, I just loosened his belt a little."

"With all these advances in medical science, why haven't they found a cure for hypochondria?"