Satirical Medicine Lover Pillows

"Do you carry generic placebos?"

"We're going to start you on generics of generics for your generic medical condition!"

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

"No, I won't write your prescription legibly...you'd just google it and ask a lot of dumb questions."

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

'Well, what do I have?...Within reason, of course.'

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

"You'll feel a pinch and then a burn."

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

"I feel your pain level."

'Quick, do a background search and see if this doctor passed his boards!'

Brian surgeon squeezing brains from a tube.

'Restless Peg Syndrome.'

'The doctor will be with you shortly, he's finishing medical school.'

'I'm afraid it's bad news Mr.Hooper, I've just got the report on your finances.'

There's Nothing Worse Than A Staff Infection

Wait a minute…What operating system are you using?… Common techie question.

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

'What do you mean you're the new Paediatric Specialist?'

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

"Looks like your Yang is on the move again."

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

Heimlich maneuver, Gastric bypass surgery, Liver transplant.

'Cock-a-doodle-doo!' 'Cut back on the chicken soup.'

Give it to me straight, Doc, and don't poopcoat it.

Dr. Flagg's Worst Nightmare

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

'Can't you give the dummy mouth to mouth without getting romantically involved Mrs Wilks?'

'And I think you'll find something extra in your dessert, Hon.'