Medical Satire Lover Pillows

"We're running a little behind, so I'd like each of you to ask yourself, 'Am I really that sick, or would I just be wasting the doctor' valuable time?'"

"I am not the famous heart surgeon, but I am in his medical group."

In the dark days, before doctor-patient confidentiality.

"Nobody's picking on you. The injections are to help you get well. I'm sure the nurses don't enjoy it any more than you."

'I don't need informed consent to give you a sponge bath.'

"Unfortnuately, we won't know what's wrong with you until we do an autopsy."

'When this line goes flat and the beeping stops, call me.'

"People make a fuss about qualifications but with a bit of common sense anyone can do what these medical types do!"

"Congratulations! I think we got it all."

'So, for the next three months while your brain is healing, one of our neurology volunteers, Karl, will be helping you think.'

'For an extra $25 we can set the surgical lamps on tanning mode.'

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

Dr. Flagg's Worst Nightmare

'See? You missed one. When you pull the plug, be sure to pull them all.'

Transplant: "I think we'll be able to convince the donor..."

"You should just feel a tiny prick, and then a lifetime of morphine addiction."

"You'll find my bedside manner improves greatly when you're no longer contagious."

"I feel your pain level."

Pay Hospital Bill Here.

'Sleep well, Mrs. Krantz. When you wake up again your heart will be as good as new!'

"The food tastes like cardboard, it's way too noisy in here....and when can I see a real doctor!!??"

Drove the nurses crazy.

'Relax. We had lunch during your surgery. That's a burger, not a gall bladder in the doggie bag.'

'Admit it Henderson, it's your first time isn't it.'

'Won't heal if you keep scratching it.'

"There's only one cure for insomnia...you need to get more sleep."

Thanks to your microwave leaking radiation, you are cancer free!'

"Hello, I'm Dr. Jones...assisting me today will be the hospital's CFO, Mr. Peters."

'I suggest you celebrate your birthday as soon as possible!'

"Very funny."

'It doesn't look good, Bob!'

"Oh, stop whining - you knew this was just a dental practice."

'Ok, interns, this elderly female presents with symptoms stemming from drosophila ingestion. Thoughts? Prognosis?'

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

'Tails it is. OK, that's how we'll take your temperature.'