Medical Satire Lovers Pillows

'Your wallet's being stolen. It's good you came in when it first started bothering you. We've caught it early.'

"Where did you say you studied liposuction?"

'What have I told you about bringing your work home with you?'

'No need to worry - I'm a master butcher!'

"Since Dr Mullin's ill, a temp from Manpower will perform your liver transplant."

'You're right, there wasn't much blood getting to his head.'

"I'm still worried about not finding the end of your finger."

"I didn't get to see the doctor. The office closed before I finished filling out the 'New Patient' forms."

Aspirin company - Door pushes in and turns.

MRI and CAT Scans costing a lot.

'I didn't realise that becoming a 'blood brother' had become so clinical.'

Skull Removal

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

Lactose Intolerant

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

'Well, what do I have?...Within reason, of course.'

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

Virtual Doctor

'Hello, I'm Dr. Frank Stein and this is my anaesthetist, Dr. Ivan Gore. We'll be doing your hernia operation tomorrow.'

"How long were you in the waiting room?"

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

'Let me get this straight- you went to a GUY-ne-cologist, to discuss MEN-o-pause?'

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

Saline Drip Sommelier.

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

'There is a drug for Hypochondria... but the side-effects may actually make you sick!'

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

"We've combine the recovery area with the gift shop... just in case your visitors want to pick up a little souvenir."

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

'Oh, well... Accidents will happen.'

"There are no such things as problems, only opportunities."

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'