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28,000 BC. Dr. Og discovers you can't get blood from a stone.

MRI Magician

Your surgeon today has a handicap of 4.

"These doctors may have a point, but I can't make out what it is."

"Normally, applying heat would be the correct therapy, however..."

"It's not Saline, it's sugar!"

GPs requested ambulances will have to provide a score for level of emergency

Covid update

'Unfortunately, Bert, Viagra is not without its side effects'

'It says: 'Inspected by No. 23'.'

"Blood" transfusion.

Died of hypochondria (and is not really dead).

'Cut down on blackbirds.'

'So, as you clearly can see, your wife is correct...you really don't have a brain in your head!'

'There is pressure on your opticpoopular nerve, which is causing a flutter in your isis. This makes your vision blurry when you look through your corn hole.'

'There's nothing wrong with you that a couple placebos won't cure.'

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

Lactose Intolerant

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

'Well, what do I have?...Within reason, of course.'

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

"No, I won't write your prescription legibly...you'd just google it and ask a lot of dumb questions."

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

'Hello, I'm Dr. Frank Stein and this is my anaesthetist, Dr. Ivan Gore. We'll be doing your hernia operation tomorrow.'

"How long were you in the waiting room?"

'A Caesarian? - But I want my son to be a natural-born citizen!'

'Let me get this straight- you went to a GUY-ne-cologist, to discuss MEN-o-pause?'

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

'Oh, well... Accidents will happen.'

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

"I feel your pain level."